A Letter to My Future Self.

Last year, I wondered if I could write a letter to my future self— my ideal, most honest and authentic version of me who already is within me, but needs the most appreciated dimension of all: time, in order to bloom into being.

Upon reading the letter I wrote to myself last year, I see how I’ve taken steps towards what I intended for in terms of growth. But as we grow, we find deeper parts of ourselves that yearn to shimmer into the light of day.

Here is a letter to myself, and all the healed parts of me.

My dearest Soraya,

My dearest, softest flower in the fields of your dreams,

Your eyes are melodiously sweet as you’re reading this. Your features have softened, something in your face has emulated a healing kind of grace that is ever-forgiving and acceptant. Your eyes are ever-bright, wide with exuberance and equanimity. 

And what happened to your voice? How have you grown to embody strength and the unmatched power of truth through it? What once held me so deep in insecurity and doubt: my very own voice, became an instrument you master so well. Look at you, speaking to our hearts, speaking through our hearts, enchanting and mystifying spirits to union.

I’ve always dreamed to be you— this wisdom in you has always propelled me to face my fears. That kind of wisdom that has chosen the path of slowness and ease instead of fierce competitiveness and relentless strive to accomplish desires that exist outside of you. You have made the choice to regenerate and restore rather than exploit and consume the abundant energy in you. And while you work, it is smoothly elegant, passionate, tender and intimate. It is not corrosive to your mind and you’ve chosen to take the time to visualise the fruits of your efforts in order to determine your process. You aim for ease, for both yourself and for others, so that there is more time to revere the infinite present moments in between.

Your choices reflect your heart, Soraya. All that you are is reflected in your life, a crystal-clear mirror, and that is what I always dreamed of. When I see you from afar; the way you hold yourself, smile through deep eyes, talk and stay silent express all what you have received from this illuminating and heart-shattering journey of healing. The work you have chosen to do in this lifetime is a mirror of your longing to heal hearts, to ignite them with the gift of being seen with love, to see light in all the darkness of one’s being, to be the ground through which seeds can be nurtured as they grow, and even fail to do so.

This is alignment— this is alignment to what you’ve been born to do. You have aligned so gracefully through forgiveness. How did you manage to do it, I always wonder. How did you manage to forgive the ones who broke and scarred you to unworthiness? How did you manage to love them for being the force that propelled you to find your light? It has always eluded me— the pathway to such sublime forgiveness. But I see you now, coexisting so subtly and humbly, all pain dissolved and almost forgotten. But it was not forgotten, you’ve transmuted all what pained you, dearest.

How can I begin to thank you?

Your life is so simple that it makes me laugh. You don’t own much, most of your clothes are years old and even second-hand. It feels outlandish at times not to be pleased by the world’s sumptuous complexities. You have the money, but you know you don’t possess it. You share the money, you share God’s gifts, rippling them out with goodness. Your belief that success is born to be shared has embodied so beautifully and powerfully. It’s silent, like the moonrise, like the beauty of summer. It needs not speak or sing. It is there.

And now, all that you are is expressed in terms of a totality. Perhaps your efforts are not so tangible, but they are drops in a river towards new paradigms. You were a vessel through which change of heart was made possible, and it is not something one can see with the eye— it is felt with the heart. You see the lifeless branch and now that it was nurtured enough by the sun to be laden with leaves one day, and you are content doing the unfinished work.

You are living the life of one who dies everyday, and that has changed everything.

I just want to thank you, from the deepest flame of my soul for transmuting all what you’ve been through to all this love. Oh, this is alchemy, magic, faith… surrender. This is love of God. This is nothingness and everything at once. This is you, and the love of the world in you.

You’ve changed me into a person of faith. I trust you, dearest. Thank you for holding my hand.

Timelessly yours,

Your younger self.