a daylight dream

every now and then, I am flooded by waves of thoughts concerning marriage. it is quite a confusing state to be in, to be honest. in this era, marriage is quite different than what it was supposed to be like ages ago. and to be married in this era requires an authentic kind of introspection to ensure that one does not hurt the other when clearly times have changed so drastically. sometimes I wonder why be married when no one needs the other in the traditional sense. truly, we don’t need each other as women and men would have needed each other before. one can survive really well without marriage and even be happier with a little bit more independence. it’s perplexing to understand the essence of a family in these times, when the value of a group of people being together is not emphasised.   I keep trying to convince myself that we do need each other physically and materially. however, it is not the case. a woman can make a living without a man and even build a home and create other f...

will God forgive me if I’ve changed enough that my heart has changed? a heart that knew nothing but worship, His remembrance and reverence now knows more. there’s more than God’s presence here. a while ago, I would be remembering God’s gifts in my life, daydreaming my bus rides away. but here I am, on a bike ride through parks, thinking about this week’s bike ride with the girls, planning it in my head, wondering what the weather would be and articulately crafting instructions and manoeuvres. is this okay? when I got here, I used to feel a crippling guilt everytime I allowed life to consume me: the little doings, the details of everyday life. it felt like suffocating compared to God’s graceful, expansive remembrance. there was a stark difference, and I was scared. God, I was so scared I was being unfaithful. it felt like a betrayal. yet, the more I truly live and experience the beauty of this lifetime, I wonder if it is okay. I wonder if God meant for us to see this, too. to let it in ...

rare as forget-me-nots, found basking in the mellow light by creeks and solemn meadows, undiscovered, untempted to be of anything, of anywhere. still, they murmur a memory. the forget-me-not seeds I kept in my purse for years. their home was a garden where blackbirds and hoopoes dwelled— it was but a sacred dream. the dandelions whimper of all the wishes they keep secretly until a landing on golden grounds is sealed.   they’re wisps wrapped in silky touches of spring-air.   they talk to me. they’re not gone. poems.. songs. my broken sounds ‘neath apple boughs and midst a flower bed so serene. but I’ve let all my birds go never seeking their distant return. I’ve let them go as I let an old love die, taking me along with it. but they’re here now. my birds. my forget-me-nots, and sacred dreams.