another year ends.

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The more I try to contemplate my intentions for 2021, the more I remember how the past year has been, and how it swept me off my feet like some kind of stormy wind. Still, the practice is worthwhile. Despite 2020 being one of those most tumultuous years, miracles did happen in the very end. It was patience, gratitude and this strife to become the creator of my life that paved a way for miracles to unfurl.

I keep thinking of how I personally want to grow. I’ve tried to grow and stem in endless ways; make many friends, be sociable, be more vulnerable and open to heartfelt conversations— yet those did not quite resonate with my path. I keep thinking of what my journey truly needs and it pinpoints to grace and authenticity, through every decision I have to make or turn in the road I’ll have to take.

Grace— oh how wondrous is this ease that flows with equanimity; being soaked with torrential rain yet deciding to honour the soft feeling on the water in my skin. For me, this is grace. It’s the smooth flow of life force within my soul, this calm knowingness and receptivity to all what life carries to my shore. It’s watching things fall into place, with some time to contemplate and visualise the true meaning of all things. I feel that I need grace most of all in my life. I need grace to ground myself to the inherent kindness that this world beholds. I forget so many times. I stress myself with expectations and fret restlessly, not knowing what to do. Yet with grace, it’s like feeling at home, feeling my inner power in knowing that all is temporary, and that there are somethings that truly matter in the end. Grace is chasing that.

I also do have the tendency to take decisions based on the expectations I hold for myself. I may look at money, shiny trophies and being ahead of the competition at times, especially when it comes to presenting my value in this world. But, I know I go wrong when I’m not authentic. I know when I do too much without feeling fulfilled inside, I spread myself too thin for no reason. I do feel that my soul needs me to promise that I wouldn’t go chasing external validation and always look what truly makes sense to me. It’s not about having multiple jobs but a meaningfully creative pathway that brings abundance. It’s not putting on a show anymore. It’s not not having enough time to find my truest voice. It’s a different life which may take more time to craft— but its labour is certainly worthwhile.



I intend 2021 to be a wonderful climb up; where labour is a work of art rather than a burden. I believe 2021 will challenge me to be true to who I am, no matter the costs. 2021 will shower me with opportunities to make a difference in the way I was meant to. It will be staying close to God and being the visionary, engineering dreams, leading them to a significant purpose which eventually is enlightening the minds of ones around me.

I look at my life and think that there are things I may not be ready for, and it’s okay. I’ve got a long way in terms of so many patterns deeply embedded in who I am. I do want to break free, but there is no rush. One step at a time, when it feels right, gracefully and authentically.

To a year of growth ahead of me, for my heart, mind and soul.

going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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