The Way We Are.

Being with my sister now, as she is transitioning from the innocence of childhood to turbulent adolescence, I can see the essence of our humanity shaping up in her ever so prominently. And as much as I am thrilled by what I can find, it is also painful, because there are so many things to deal with being a human; so many mixed emotions and revealed identities we don’t want to face. Its quite inexorable.

I can see it now in my sister how it is painful to accept ourselves. I wonder if it was ever simple to change and be more aware without going through this resistance and confusion of letting things go. I see it when we break down, cry or feel utter sadness— do we tell ourselves that we are loved? Do we accept it? I wonder if it was ever embedded in our essence to be filled with dread towards ourselves when we aren’t feeling well. I wonder if it is something we have actually learned when we were growing up.

My sister is currently shaping up. She is changing, becoming more aware of her identity and her own “self” and ego. She knows what she likes, what she doesn’t. She is exploring ignorance and the effects of habits. She finds herself more drawn to things she never was before— and it makes her tired. I can see it in her. I can see how she is struggling to have power and authority when she is still a child, expected to listen to adults and parents, even though she has this gut feeling that she knows what to do. I can see her crying as she complains about how unfair it is, that she gets scolded when she leaves her room unorganised when others can do so without any reprimand. This awareness is hitting her hard, and it makes her less compassionate and loving, in those rare times.

But then I wonder if at this turbulent time, does she fully embrace herself? I don’t think she wouldn’t be feeling so bad if she did. But it’s not her fault because nobody taught her how to deal with this little adversity. And I wonder if it would make a difference if, midst her bad feelings, I come closer and tell her that I love her just the way she is, instead of allowing her to process those feelings all alone, without any guidance. But, I must confess, it is as hard for me, because I wouldn’t be honest if I say this is the way I treat myself when I’m down.

And here lies the essence of all of our inner struggles— that way we learned to treat and deal with ourselves. The way we were left all alone without any guidance on how to face our inner dialogue. I believe this is very important and all of those institutes of socialisation do not really grant us any awareness on how to be beautifully human. I also question this belief— is this supposed to be a solely personal journey?

All I can say is that it very heartwarming to find people who accept you the way you are, with all of your flaws, your downsides and unhealthy tendencies. It is when we find those people that we feel alive, accepted and loved— and it makes all the difference in our lives. But what if we do that to ourselves? What if we can unleash freedom through infinite streams of love?

The way we are is sometimes unbearable, but at the end of the day, we have to embrace it. We have to teach our loved ones that, too. It’s perhaps the greatest gift and value we can offer them, on a human level. After this revelation, I think whenever my sister feels down, I will lean forward and give her an embrace, even if she resists. I will tell her that I love her. I will tell her that I accept how she is feeling.

And I dearly hope it manifests inwards, and she somehow grows to believe it, too. Same goes to you.