a daylight dream

January: - Had fun studying for my A level exams. - Witnessing this indescribable happiness when my best friend got this High Achiever award. February: - Went to Casablanca, Morocco. Made a new friend and never stopped singing. - Nearly fainted from joy when my best friend got to meet Bill Gates in NYC. March: - Lost only 7 marks in my A level exam; which kind of made me really happy. - Gave this speech to fifth graders about how nature teaches us to give. - Spring came, and with spring comes bliss. :) April: - Started playing ballet at home, instead of stressing myself out with jogging. - Watermelons. Watermelons. Watermelons. May: - Wrote the graduation speech, which required some inspiration and magic. - More watermelons, peaches and apples. June: - Graduation day. - Ramadan iftar moments. July: - Being a child again with my sister. - Nature in Poland; the rain, the sun, the clouds, the forests and quaint towns. - Vienna's melodious, classical and antiqu...

It's been a beautiful month, and I can't think of a more beautiful way to end 2016. It's been a tough year for me, to be honest, and challenging in a queerly ungraceful way, when things just go wrong everyday and you're resisting the temptation to sulk and feel bad about it, and think of all the other blessings you've got, but to no avail. 2016 was a year of resistance, and a lesson to learn in between. I learned that anxiety and fear usually lead nowhere, and sometimes you've got to be strong and courageous enough to resist the fear and stand up to it. Sometimes the better option is to just remain feebly hopeful and trustful to the earthly balance and patiently wait to see how things work out in the end, because they do, all the time. Maybe the worst thing about the wait is that we are biased beings, and you cannot just separate your emotions and block out those nudging moments of disbelief and desperation. But I learned to accept them instead, and just li...

Oh so the final season is creeping up on us, isn't it? It doesn't have to be a lame season, to be honest, whoever you are; whether you're a hard worker, a successful procrastinator or a just-pass student. I think the reason we fret and stress is that we never organise our time PLUS never put genuine effort into what we do. So here are some tips to help you prepare and hopefully do your best in your final examinations.

I'm letting go the yesterdays and tomorrows roaming in my mind right now and just focusing on today, although today is a concussion of the consequences of yesterdays alongside the fears and the hopes of tomorrow. It's okay, we are all biased. It's the partiality that makes us more human, anyway. I'm currently a bit surrounded by torpidity and the lethargic winter airs that hover my body in the evenings, locking my body with an icy sheath that rattles with every movement, making me sit in bed and daydream. I dislike winter for this, dear world, it never fails to just grasp my energy and ferment it in bluish methods, that makes me smell mould, sense the toxins, see only the ordinary, and hear the ticking seconds of time, and the sounds of my head that nag me saying 'you gotta be more productive.' But that's okay, I guess. It's how my body responds to winter, and I was built to be a sunflower, I guess, moving towards the light rays that are ever so fai...

A few years ago, you'd hardly recognise me standing in the middle of a group of friends, making them laugh hysterically, lively telling stories and listening actively to everybody. I considered myself social; I craved outings with my friends despite the fact I had minimal chances of going out with them and I would even cry at night when I would see my friends enjoying Thursday nights while I was at my desk, surrounded by books. How did I turn into such an antisocial person who is extremely anxious when around people? I mean, I wouldn't be fretful around my intimate friends but still, I'm not that person I was before. I mean, even around the friends that I've been with for almost ten years, I feel so distant, so unworthy of their friendship. I always  envision myself as the lame, boring girl in the gang who has absolutely nothing to say just because she is afraid to say something you won't find amusing. I regard myself as disliked, or more precisely, least like...

I realised, how royal the imperfections draping our bodies were. Here you are, touching my bare skin, your eyes radiating a love so warm and so sparkly that it makes my heart glow and it kind of numbs the pain you cause me, with both of our skinny bodies, bones laying on bones. My insecurities pop up in my mind every once in a while, my body too bad in shape, my breath not fresh enough, and the way I probably look when you're gazing at me in that elevated angle. I know I look awful, but you're smiling, and your white teeth just look so perfect that I wonder how anything can be so beautiful. My heart is beating wildly, and my cheeks are turning crimson with pure, crude joy. I love you. I love you so much. And perhaps I added too much salt in dinner today, misspelled the word 'desert' while I was in class and most probably, you forgot to straighten the tyres of the car while parking, didn't brush your hair properly before work.. and then I wondered, with all these...

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So, yesterday, my dad opened up my health issues. He was kind, gentle and affirming. However, he said that I was pressurising him with how I neglect myself, malnourish my body while I'm growing and building myself up. I told him that I was okay, of at least more okay than before (that 'before' refers to three years ago). I didn't lie, but I wasn't so truthful either. I wish I were more truthful but I was afraid to burst my bubble and feel all weak and fragile again. I just nodded my head confirming his views on how sabotaging I am. Because I am . But I will fix that. Forsooth, November had been a pleasant month. The purple sunrises, the dusky plummy dusks, the ultramarine-blue skies and lastly, the crisp chilly blue winds. I love it when the winds are blue, of course they just feel blue. Some winds are yellow and sandy, blowing from the southern lands, some are maroon with heat and humidity, and some are blissfully green, subtle and rejuvenating. The blue win...

I've been quite skeptical lately about whether I actually love or not. Actually, it's been a really long time since I purely loved and showed it. I've grown afraid to hug people, even my sister, whom I cuddle without passion, without that burning warming fire erupting within my heart. It's like there is this barrier between the fantastical world of compassion inside my head and reality. Am I afraid to love? Or let me say; am I afraid to show it? More accurately, I think I never learned to show it. I love everyone around me. I have some real gallant dear friends, a supporting, responsible father, my distant, kind mother and lastly, my own joyful, beautiful sister. What happens is, I spent the whole day wishing I could just hug them tightly and show how much I appreciate them being in my life, but I'm just unable to do it. The love I behold remains within me, locked in cubicles of daydreams and thoughts. Is it because I never saw everlasting love in front of my o...

I live in a country where the educational system is pretty screwed up. It's difficult, mainly based on memorising, equipped with crammed and filthy public schools with absolutely no decent teachers and even with the dose of hopelessness around, I'll forever argue and complain about it. Because it's unfair. Unfair that millions of students have to keep up with this carelessness and the inefficiency of our government and political system. Every time I think about those families that are in need for their children to grow and learn to gain skills needed for work and money, it saddens me. 30% of students actually drop out of high school here, most of them get abusive work to help their families and many choose the wrong paths that afflict our society. Adding to this, most of the children actually going to school have no idea what the curriculum is trying to aim at. It's hopeless. Sometimes I just wonder about what's there I can do to fix things up, and how unfair it...